In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
