you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
