someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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