OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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