hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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