It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
