he thought i was a dude.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
