Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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