It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
