I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I can tuck mytits in my pants
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Randomize
