Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
