my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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