well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
