Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
