the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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