I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
