I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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