Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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