I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
