Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
