No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
