I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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