He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
His nipple licking is glorious
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