it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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