I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
