after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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