I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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