so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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