you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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