who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
