Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
