she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
