You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Houston, we have a squirter
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
True strength comes from lack of pants
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
