So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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