There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
