I'm so fucking centered right now
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just cut my nipple shaving
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
