i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
