Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
