hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just had sex on a roof
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Success! We fucked roommates!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
