ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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