Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Randomize
