And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
