Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
