tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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