Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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