yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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