She's JV to your varsity
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
