I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
