I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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