i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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